Come Aboard! QE2 - Sceptre 1969

An interesting first entry that brings into question my own brief; a 'documentary' album dedicated to the good ship Queen Elizabeth 2 narrated by a moonlighting BBC newsreader (Richard Baker) on an extra curricula payday outing would on the face of it appear to tick all the boxes that would make up a piece of 'shit vinyl'.

Why then did my heart flutter like a trapped bird when I chanced upon it in my local Barnardos? Well mainly because mint copies of this have been known to change hands for three figure sums. Which would have been a nice windfall. Shame then that a previous owner seemingly saw fit to sharpen his chisels all over side two, rendering it less the description of 'mint' according to the Record Collector grading guide and more like 'unplayable'. 

Which is a shame, but it does mean that what's left is the artefact itself rather than any rarity value that it flukely managed to accrue.

Released in 1969 to coincide with the launch of the titular ship, 'Come Aboard' was, in classic ad parlance, not available in the shops; the 'Cunard approved' Sceptre Records label it appears on shouldn't be confused with Florence Greenburg's American label of the same name (that at one time or another was home to The Isley Brothers and Dionne Warwick). No, to get your hands on a copy of this you had to be a passenger on one of its early voyages where it was available either on board or at various ports of call on the voyage.

Opening with a trumpet fanfare and a recording of Queen Elizabeth herself actually launching the tub, the album then slides into the proto-auidiobook of a holiday brochure cum random extracts from the ship's manual with Baker delivering his lines with the indifferent disinterest of the professional newsreader he was. Perhaps recognising that even the keenest of nautical fans might find all this rather heavy sledging, both sides of the disc's narrative are broken up with some appropriately seafaring sound effects and music from various artists that might supposedly provide the entertainment on a typical voyage.

Tonia Bern-Campbell (formerly spouse of Bluebird speedster Donald and currently spouse of Selwyn Froggitt star Bill Maynard) provides some Marlene Dietrich-alike crooning while the Colin Beaton Trio provide some jazzy dance relief, but the main interest here (for me anyway and probably the reason why this now goes for inflated sums of money) lies on side two and an appearance from Black Cat Bones, an English rock band now chiefly remembered for featuring guitar wizard Paul Kossoff and Simon Kirke (both soon to be members of Free) in their line-up who provide a psychedelic wah wah freakout that would surely have raised eyebrows on board if they'd taken to the stage with it after the evening meal.

Ultimately though, 'Come Aboard' leaves me with a shrug of confusion as to exactly who bought this and what they did with it once they got it home. As an impulse buy souvenir of a once in a lifetime holiday then it probably passes muster, but once listened to I can't imagine anyone getting it out for a second spin and I'm betting most copies lay (and lie) gathering dust in the racks as an artefact lost in time, like those funny shaped bottles of sickly alcohol that visitors to the Continent used to bring home but never actually drink. Saying that, it did teach me never to refer to a 'whistle' as a 'horn' to a sailor, so it hasn't been a complete waste of my time.